Bang On. or The InDeecisiveness of Dee

Based upon the thirty minute internal shower curtain debate at Bed Bath & Beyond, I have noticed that sometimes I have trouble making decisions.

Based upon last weeks blog, You may have noticed that sometimes I have trouble making decisions.

And now that I have an audience (all of about five people-mostly coworkers) I have become stumped.

Yes, it’s true, five seconds into my half-assed writing project and I get writer’s block.

Yes, I have plenty to say, but now that I’ve invited everyone to hear it, I’ve made it impossible to talk shit on any of them.

Well, shit.

I’ve made it quite clear to everyone I know that I am super shallow, therefore today’s blog is about MY HAIR.

I’ve had a hate/tolerate relationship with my stringy head coverings forever.

Really, it’s just hair-be glad you have it, right?

For the sake of brevity, I may not go into complete detail about my hair.

For the sake of it being Sunday and a football by-week, I just may go into details.

I’m a blonde. A natural blonde. Meaning I was born bald, finally got red hair and has since had orangey “strawberry blonde” hair which I’ve managed over the past twenty five years to bleach out into a golden color.  It used to get redder in the summer and lighten up in the winter. Like a sunburn for my tresses. At this point, I’m not sure what my natural hair color is because when I let it grow out the roots are darker and just looks dirty.

My eyelashes and eyebrows are transparent and have to be painted on and I have lots of blonde hair everywhere. Don’t laugh because I shaved my Hobbit toes. I used to be able to say that there was not a brown hair on me anywhere, except now that’s not true.  While Di found her first white/gray hair, I’ve found a stray brown root over by my right ear.  Of course I pluck it. Duh.  It’s probably not alone. Gasp. Grab the Loreal.

Where was I going with this? Blah, blah.  Um.  Yes. Indecisiveness. Bangs.  Not everyone needs this look.  Most of us do.  What’s the line? “Over 40 bangs or botox”  So that means bangs.  I also have a huge fourhead.  Anyone with a four or five head should consider this option, (Christina Ricci, Tyra Banks) Conversely, my precious angel, Astrid, has barely a threehead.  No Bang For You.

I like them short and blunt so when they are blow dried, they hang perfectly above my crooked eyebrows, framing my crooked eyes. (which I believe to be green, other say blue. whatev) But now since my sister called me “Helga the Horrible” due to the short bangs and severe blond bob, I’ve become paranoid about the look. Do I look like a Nazi?  I always kinda thought I looked like a blond Angelica Houston.  We all can’t be Charlize Theron. Was once told I looked like Rebecca DeMornay and recently Gwenneth Paltrow (not even close), I’m pretty sure Patricia Arquette is going to play me in my Lifetime movie.

Digress, much? Ye-ah.

This is where the lack of decision comes in.  A couple months ago I got a janky, jacked up $15 Great Clips hair cut which ended in unlevel layers.  I then got the overpriced $40 Ulta extravaganza.  The GC lady was super nice and chatty while she was snipping away.  A positive experience.  The much younger Ulta employee was noncommittal and a bit lazy. Plus the salon had poor lighting.

I’m pretty sure I waxed on and on about the sad nature of my hair.

I’m pretty sure the twit didn’t even cut them at all as I had to trim that at home two days later and now they are in my eyes.

So now if you see me rocking the 80s poof or constantly sweeping my hair back, you’ll know that I 1) have put off a decision whether to cut them myself or go somewhere, keep the blunt look or opt for side swept and/or  2) am too cheap to get a haircut or buy sharper scissors.

So.
Image
(old picture. you get the point. you get the crazy)

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One thought on “Bang On. or The InDeecisiveness of Dee

  1. Now that you mention it, I do see the blond (much younger, of course) Anjelica Huston! And don’t be afraid to talk shit about your friends, they might be reading it in hopes that you will. 🙂

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