Let’s talk about words. Particularly NAMING or insults.
“Douchebag!” I yelled. Then I thought about it. (Tilt the head to the side, stare into the distance, pondering.) Perhaps there’s an over usage of that particular insult. I mean, not every average run of the mill asshole can achieve douchebag status.
Per urbandictionary.com a Douchebag is someone who has surpassed the levels of jerk and asshole, however not yet reached fucker or *motherfucker. Not to be confused with a straight up douche which is someone who acts stupidly.
My take on a douche is more of an specific type. You know mid-twenties, guy, possibly an outgrown fratrat minus the popped collar. Drives badly a car he cannot afford with a palpable attitude of entitlement and shear lack of concern or understanding for others not in his tightly wound stratosphere.
So with this in mind, I’ve decided that with this new year I’ll try a new me. New words. Use your words.
I tried it out with the kids. In the car. Just to clarify, both are now over 18 and while I’m not condoning poor vocabulary, the focus is now on building our blasphemy inventory . My daughter shared her new favorite affront: Fuckass. Her now go to road rage invective. My son’s sullen scorn soaked aspersion, dong mongler, nearly had me wetting my pants from laughter. I guffawed audibly. Sadly, the old man cannot seem to effectively articulate without consideration. He will stick with the old chestnuts.
So, back to the yelling. It occurred to me that this super special individual that incurred my instantaneous red hot wrath last week was in fact Not Good Enough to be a douchebag. Classless and ridiculous, I shall name him Blowhole. He is a gassy windy blowhard know it all asshole. He shall forever be known as a “BLOWHOLE”.
*Although honestly I reserve motherfucker to times when I’ve hurt myself. It usually ends up “Motherrrr…Hell! Oh heck, oh geez, oh golly.” This would be the public persona. I am seriously striving to use non curse words. They say if you do something for 21 days it will become a habit.